It's Only Life
by othspnluver
Summary: One-Shot This was exactly why he chose to be careless and act as if things didn't matter to him most of the time... because it was easier. Reid Centric


**This idea has been on my mind for a while and I finally decided to work on it! The song used is titled It's Only Life by Kate Voegele. Thanks to Danieee and JateSkateFate815 for helping!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclairmer : I do not own anything, except the plot.**

* * *

_"Come on sweetie!" Talia Garwin encouraged her five year old son, Reid, to let go of her so he could go into the classroom. All of the other kids and parents seemed to be in similar situations. She was just as reluctant as he was though, but she knew better. Kindergarten was the start of his future, and as much as she wanted him to stay with her all day, she knew that it could not be like that for the next thirteen years of his life. At least that was the memorized conversation she had with her husband for the last month._

_"No!" Reid exclaimed. "Don't wanna go!"_

_Tears are forming in your eyes  
A storm is warning in the sky_

_He looked up into his mother's eyes and shook his head furiously, crystal blue eyes locking with their own. She gave him a look that said he had to go. Reid pouted his lips, tightened his grip on her legs and buried his face in her knees, mostly because if he looked at her, he would succumb to her will. He did not want to go into that classroom with those other kids. He didn't even like them! He wanted his mother! Reid knew that she would leave because mommy's weren't allowed in school. The thought of that depressed him. He had even formulated a plan ... One where he would have to be stubborn for a very long time and outlast her! Then she'd have to take him home! _

_The end of the world it seems  
You bend down and you fall on your knees  
Well get back on your feet yeah_

_"Stay!" He ordered her, his voice muffled by her skirt. _

_Talia pursed her lips and fought back a smile. Reid was always the center of her attention ... and he certainly knew how to work it. Usually, he got his way. Even if he didn't, Talia was always there to explain why. Somehow, the five year old always managed to turn it in his favor by standing up straight, proud that he had understood her like a big boy. He had his moments where he threw tantrums, but they had lessened over the last few months. After all ... tantrums were so last year._

_"Oh baby!" Talia cooed, gently pulling him off of her knees and crouching down to his level._

_"Stay momma." He pleaded this time, using his infamous puppy dog eyes accompanied with The Pout._

_Her heart melted at that, but she knew she had to stay strong. Reid needed Kindergarten. It is to help him become more independent, she told herself over and over._

_"Aww Honey, you know I would if I could." she pushed his blonde hair out of his beautiful eyes. "Listen," She said, pulling his closer by straightening his shirt for him, "I want you to be a good boy today."_

_"No!" He said stubbornly._

_Talia ignored it, "Okay look Sweetie, Tyler's going to be there! And Caleb and Pogue too!" She smiled at him, when she noticed he had looked up hopefully. "And I'll be right here to pick you up!"_

_Reid looked like he had just eaten something sour. He had to go the whole day without her? But, he knew his mommy wouldn't do anything bad to or for him._

_Reluctantly, he asked, "Promise?"_

_"Pinky swear!" She said, holding out her pinky._

_Reid gave a small gasp, because pinky swearing was some serious stuff! He hooked his smaller pinky finger into hers._

_"Now ... Be a good boy for mommy?" She asked. Before he could answer, they were interrupted._

_"Reid!" A squeaky voice spoke up from a few feet away from them. Talia and Reid snapped their heads in the direction of the voice._

_"Tyler!" Reid called back, waving his hand. He hadn't seen his best friend in a few days._

_Talia grinned, because she knew that as long as Reid was with Caleb, Pogue, and Tyler he would be fine. And not just in kindergarten._

_"Go on." She told him, smiling._

_Reid did as she said, giving her a hug and kiss goodbye. Talia walked over to Mrs. Simms and they both cooed over how big the boys were getting. Once he reached the teacher, Reid turned around to his mom. Somehow, Talia knew just when to look up. She could see the reluctance in his eyes, but then she gave him two thumbs and a reassuring smile. With that on his mind, Reid gave her a small smile of his own and returned the two thumbs up. He adjusted his backpack and waved. She blew him a kiss and left the classroom._

* * *

Reid parked the Hummer under a tree. He got out of the Hummer, closed the door and locked it. Stuffing one hand into his jean pocket while the other clutched onto something tightly. He walked down the familiar pathway, not even looking at what he passed by. He knew how many steps away it was, how many seconds it took him to get there if he walked, ran, or jogged.

He finally got there.

Reid placed the bouquet of flowers down in front of the headstone. Then, he sat down near it.

"Hey Mom." He greeted, in the usual way. "I need to talk to you." He said, his urgency shown by the way he pushed his hand through his hair. He didn't have his beanie on right now, but he was still wearing his black fingerless gloves. He wrung his hands together, sighing. "I don't know if it has anything to do with my accession being so close ... or because of what today is, but Mom ... I've been seeing your face a lot lately." He admitted, finally, after a long time, showing his emotions. He licked his lips nervously. He didn't exactly go around telling people he wanted hugs and comfort. Usually, Reid kept everything to himself. The Sons knew though, that if he ever needed to talk, they'd be the ones he'd go to first. The rest of the population of Spencer and Ipswich were like strangers compared to his Brothers. "Everywhere I go I see you!" His voice shook as he added, "But at the same time I feel like I'm forgetting you." His voice was filled with guilt, ashamed at having to admit that. "We did so much together, but I feel like I'm remembering less and less each day." He cleared his throat, but then scoffed. "I was just getting to know you too." His eyes clouded over, as he thought about the iniquity of it all.

Reid stared straight at the headstone, his clear ice blue eyes held pain in them. It's like he could literally hear and feel his heart break for the billionth time. "Wh-Why did you leave me?" He asked, feeling betrayed. He glared at the headstone for a second and asked, in a slightly louder tone of voice. "What made you think it was okay to go huh?" He asked, accusingly. "How could you just leave me?!" He felt his throat burning as he said, "I needed you ... I still do!" Tears stung his eyes and his chin wavered. He took in a deep shuddering breath.

He felt his heart beat against his chest painfully.

"It feels like the same conversation each year and you'd think it'd be easier," He chuckled sadly, "But it's not." He felt tiny drops of rain hit him as he realized that a light drizzle had just begun. But, he didn't care.

_Don't look away  
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life  
Yea it's only life_

"I don't know what Dad was thinking when he married that- Sorry ... I mean her." Reid knew that his mother never approved of bad language. He never said it ... near her grave. Reid placed his finger on the tip of the 'T' on the headstone, and began tracing the carved letters. "She's the total opposite of who you were!" He paused. "But that makes sense, in strange twisted way. Anyways, what can I do right? She makes him happy ... and at least Dad's still good though." He sighed, exhaling heavily. "This conversation is definitely not that different from last year but ... but he's changed so much. I know we all have. I'm uh," He cleared his throat, "I'm just glad that I'm not loosing him. Not completely. I sure as hell am not gonna let that happen." Reid spoke, strongly and fiercely, looking up at the sky. He sighed deeply, "I know you wouldn't want me to. It's only me and dad, has been for five years. But I know that you're always near us and watching over us." He thought about what to say next.

"I loved your eyes. You had beautiful eyes." Reid smiled sadly, not being cocky since he had inherited her eyes, but thinking about his mother's smiling face. It was that image he had clutched onto for years, refusing to let himself forget that aspect of her. "You know, Dad once told me that your eyes were the first things he noticed about you."

"Sometimes, I hate looking in the mirror. Usually I wouldn't admit that to a girl or anything but," He said, attempting to lighten the mood for his sake, but then he grew serious, "Its my eyes. Our eyes. It's no wonder why Dad couldn't look at me for the first few months after you were gone."

"About a month after you died, I went through the Book of Damnation ... trying to find a way to bring you back." Instead of blinking back the tears that were welled up in his eyes, as he had done several times since he arrived at the graveyard, they finally rolled down his cheeks. "Caleb stopped me though. Actually, Pogue held me down while Caleb talked. Tyler was sitting next to me though. Caleb said that-that if I said the spell and did the ritual, there was no chance or possibility that would make sure you'd come back normal. They said that I couldn't do that to you and if I did, that'd make me selfish."

"There are so many What If's that I think about ... and a hell of a lot of Maybe's too." Reid paused for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts. He wiped away his tears as the light drizzle began to come down slightly harder.

_You were always playing hard  
Never could let down your guard_

See? This was exactly why he chose to be careless and act as if things didn't matter to him most of the time... because it was easier. He buried his face into the palm of his hands, finding comfort in the feel of the cold leather against his face. "Sometimes in class," He swallowed, "I think about what it would be like. If you were alive and with us for the past five years. What Dad would be like, if we would be happy like I'd imagine, or better ... maybe worse. What if you didn't get sick? What if it was me and not you? What if there was some way to help you or prevent it? Maybe if you had even one more day, I would've spent the whole day doing whatever you wanted!" The tone in his voice hit a new level of desperation. He was finally letting it all out, expressing the questions and thoughts that had haunted him for days and nights for years. "Or we could have just stayed at home and I would have said how much I loved you and h-how I-I would miss you." He stopped and sniffled, pressing his nose against the inside of his jacket flap, for a little warmth. Pulling his face out, he zipped up his jacket and crossed his arms.

"I remember when I actually thought having the Power was bad and that I'd be a freak," He let out a chuckle, "It didn't help when Dad said that Caleb, Pogue, and Tyler would have the Power too. That just made me think that now we'd be four freaks. But my biggest concern was that you would look at me different. That you wouldn't love me or care for me if I was a freak. And you said that you would look at me differently. But it wasn't 'cause of the power ... it was because I was growing up, and that I wouldn't be your little boy anymore."

"It's ironic now though, isn't it?" He asked, this time chuckling cruelly, "Because now it's like I can't stop ... It's like I need it." He confessed, feeling ashamed because he knew his mother would frown at him because of it. But I'm working on it! I-I don't Use as much as before ... I planned on finding some way to stop Using, but I just, I just couldn't ... But I will now." He promised with strong conviction.

"I wish you were here so you could see me and know that even though I do stupid things sometimes and piss the hell out of people ... That I'm not a total lost cause."

_But you can't win  
If you never give in  
To that voice within  
Saying pick up your chin  
Baby let go of it_

Why? Why did he keep doing this to himself?! It was like a never ending cycle with him! There was always a pattern ... First there was anger, then isolation, followed by grief, guilt, shame, betrayal, grief, longing and finally ... Happiness, because there was something that kept him going.

_

* * *

_

Talia and Reid were seated in their stools by the countertop in their kitchen. Currently, they were eating peanut butter and chocolate straight from the jars. Usually, Talia wouldn't allow this, but she had made an exception for today, since she had not gotten one phone call regarding Reid's bad behavior. He had been a very good boy today.

_"You're my little prince." Talia tickled the bottom of his chin._

_"Yeah!" Reid nodded enthusiastically, "I know!"_

_Talia laughed._

_"Too bad we have no princesses." He said, shrugging._

_"Aww," Talia cooed, "Well you'll bring one home one day."_

_Reid looked up at her confused._

_Smiling down at him, she said, "You'll understand one day."_

_"Now," Talia swallowed the thick peanut butter, "hmm, what shall we do next?" She asked, tapping her chin with the finger she hadn't eaten with._

_"Hmm!" Reid said, squeaking slightly, as he copied her movements and watching her._

_"Hey!" She narrowed her eyes playfully and leaned in closer to his face. "Are you mocking me?"_

_He grinned widely, "Noo," He stretched the word out, "I'm making fun of you!"_

_Talia giggled, grinning back at him._

_After a few minutes, Reid looked up at her. "Momma?" He asked._

_"Yeah baby?" She looked at him._

_"I know something we could do!" He announced, excitedly._

_"Oh yeah?" She asked, "And what's that?"_

_"Sing!"_

_"You wanna sing?" She raised an eyebrow at him._

_"No!" Reid rolled his eyes, "I want you to sing!"_

_"Hmmm," Talia pretended to think about it, "I don't know ..."_

_"Please!" He pleaded. Reid really liked his mother's voice. It was his favorite thing to wake up to! And when she sang ... It was just beautiful._

_"Ok!" She kissed the top of his head for using his manners, and pulled away smiling. She thought about which song to sing._

_As if he could read her mind, he proposed, "How about your favorite one?"_

_She looked at him shocked, then smiled. "Alrighty then ... This is my very very ultimate favorite one, okay?"_

_Reid nodded, and watched her with wide eyes.  
_

_Don't look away  
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life  
Yea it's only life_

_Take your hesitance  
And your self-defense  
Leave them behind, it's only life  
Don't be so afraid  
Of facing everyday  
Just take your time, it's only life  
I'll be your stepping-stone  
No, don't be so alone  
Just hold on tight, it's only life_

_Don't look away  
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life  
Yea it's only life_

_Don't look away  
Don't run away  
Hey baby it's only life  
Don't lose your faith  
Don't run away  
Hey baby its only life  
Yea it's only life_

Reid sat there at the graveyard, reminiscing, as the rain soaked him completely from head to toe. His clothes were slightly heavier since they were soaked. His damp blonde hair clung to his head and the rain mixed in with his salty tears. Finally, brushing off his bottom, he stood up straight and the corners of his mouth twitched upward. "I wish you were here Mom. Happy Birthday."

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**Thanks for reading! Please review!! Tell me if you guys want more, and if so, any ideas? I have a few! **


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